So, I want to tell my story. I’ve never written my story before but I have heard other people tell me theirs and I hear mine so here goes….
My name is Glyn and I am a recovering Crystal Meth addict. This is easy for me to say today but that wasn’t always the case.
You see, before coming into the rooms of 12 step recovery I was just an addict. Using became my life. Everywhere I went Meth came with me, either in me or on me.
The relationship I had with Meth was one of using just here and there, I felt as though I could take it or leave it for a time, but then I began to use it more and more and looked forward to it.
When I didn’t use I began to miss it, like a friend you see often and you leave them thinking I can’t wait to hang out with that guy again.
This went on for a year or so until my using became more and more frequent.
Instead of using on weekends sporadically I began using every weekend. Months went by and I was able to recover from my jaunt and show up for work without a problem.
It wasn’t long before I needed to have a little smoke or line of Crystal in the morning, just to get me to work. I distinctly remember thinking once while I was preparing to use that I didn’t need any friends anymore, Meth became my best friend.
Within less than a year I was using every day. That to me sounds almost unbelievable as I am writing this but it is was true and this continued for another 2-3 years, EVERYDAY.
My life began to spiral out of control. I was taking lots of time off work and became very unpredictable. My moods were all over the place.
I made it impossible for people to see me because all I wanted to do was to be alone with my drug. I never called anyone even family and refused to answer calls.
I became withdrawn, emaciated, and completely deluded. I would have thoughts that everyone was against me and trying to trick me.
I believed that people had placed cameras and recording devices in my apartment and at times when I wasn’t searching for them I would be lying on my bed for hours and hours paralysed my paranoia.
I never felt safe, my best friend had become my worst enemy yet I still protected the drug!
No one knew the hell I was going through as I did a very good job of hiding my feelings in public. In a sense I became an automaton, soulless and expressionless outside the confines of my apartment.
One day, a really good friend sat me down and told me ever so sweetly that I was an addict. I broke down and cried. I knew it was true.
I had been lying to myself for years but I knew she was right. That was my first admission that I am an addict. I hated it!
I was walking along an overpass one day and seriously considered jumping over onto the oncoming traffic but as I was working out how to get over the railings I saw a treatment centre in Surry Hills to my left.
I thought to myself maybe I ought to try speaking to a drug councillor instead. I had nothing else to lose at that stage.
I began to seek help and for the first time I spoke to another person about my meth use. That was a huge start for me and I stopped using for six weeks, WOW!!!
When my six sessions had finished I was so pleased with myself that I wanted to celebrate. I used that night and so began the merry-go-round once again.
This time my using became ferocious. I very quickly got brought to my knees once more wanting to end my suffering.
I sat on my couch one afternoon and prayed. Not to God because I felt like He had forsaken me but to Crystal Meth.
I prayed that my life would end sooner rather than later. I give up!! Crystal Meth was now my God!!
Something very strange happened, I became happier and my using became less. I got a kind of strength from somewhere. I can’t explain this but I became lighter and brighter and went outside more and more.
I came across a guy who had spent two years in jail for being a drug dealer and as part of his parole he had to attend Crystal Meth Anonymous meetings.
He began to talk about CMA and thought maybe I could go have a look. I thought why not, at that point I believed I had tried everything else and CMA was one thing I hadn’t heard of.
I went and found it very uncomfortable, I’ve never been comfortable talking about what was REALLY going on for me, but there was something in that room that kept me coming back.
I now know that there is nothing more therapeutic than one addict helping another addict. That was in 2006.
I have to say that my journey fighting this disease of addiction hasn’t been easy nor has it always been successful but I had nowhere else to go.
Today I can proudly say that I have been clean from Crystal Meth and all other mind altering substances including alcohol since 12 May 2014.
Only through working this wonderful 12 step program to the best of my ability every 24 hours am I able to lead a happy joyous life.
I have had so many wonderful things happen to me that it is impossible to write them all down here.
I will share one though. I can walk down the street with my head held high and when I speak to people I can look them in the eye.
My only wish here is that someone reading this can relate. If you can, you need not be alone.
Glyn
